Hello savvy leaders! Here we are for episode 23!
The one single word that will serve you well to drop from all vocabulary.
Should.
Should is used to indicate obligation, duty, or correctness. It is typically used when criticizing someone’s actions. As I always say. No one likes to be should on.
We don’t typically intend to criticize someone when we’re suggesting they ‘should’ do this or that. Often times it casually comes out in conversation. “Ooh, you should totally read this book.” I catch myself saying that a lot. “You should come with us to the park.”
Communication for Direct Sales Leaders to Instill More Belief in Your Team Members
Certainly, there are instances when we do say it and mean it with criticism. “You should put different shoes on.” When speaking to our kiddos. “You should eat more vegetables.”
The big problem with ‘should’ is when communicating with our team members it does the opposite of instilling belief in them. I know this is one of your top goals; to have them believe in themselves more. Dropping should from your communication will help with this tremendously. Here’s why:
The trouble with “should” is that regardless of how we intend it to come out, your team member can be hearing judgment & criticism. It’s difficult not to. It almost always sounds like criticism, judgment, and advice, unsolicited much of the time.
Even if we are asked for advice, including the word should can leave the other person to think they didn’t get it right on their own. They need to be directed and told how to go forward.
It doesn’t leave room or space to lift someone up. It doesn’t give them the benefit of the doubt that they see another option or could have discovered the way forward on their own.
People won’t remember what you did or even what you said. They will remember how you made them feel. Using the word should almost never leaves someone feeling good.
There are so many different ways, and words to choose, to leave others feeling good, included, capable, worthy, and enough.
How to Help Your Direct Sales Team with Better Communication
For example, if a team member asks you how to go about talking with someone they feel would be a great fit for your business opportunity and she asks you “How do I have that conversation?” Instead of saying, “you should just talk to her” or “you should bring up the topic” or “you should ask her ….”
Instead, you can respond with “You’re so easy to talk to, Alicia. How would it feel to ask her….?” Or “She will likely be flattered that you thought of her. What if you start by complimenting her on why you feel she would be a great fit?”
Do you see how dropping should altogether simply has a much different tone?
How Top Leaders in Direct Sales Stop Criticizing Themselves
So let me ask you. How do you feel when your self-talk includes should? Not very good, right? You’re getting down on yourself and criticizing yourself. “I should have contacted Emily weeks ago. I should have followed up with Jessica already. I should stop being so pushy, sensitive, doubtful… “ and the list goes on.
We are our own worst critics. It’s not a very friendly tone to use with ourselves. We don’t like it when others should on us. Let’s stop should-ing on ourselves.
I invite you after listening here to simply notice. Raise your awareness around when you are using the word should with yourself and with others. Be aware also of when you’re hearing the word should. The shift in communication will come. Your first step is to simply be more aware and notice when and if you’re using the word should, with whom, and what the context is.
To modify your communication, you can even stop yourself mid-conversation or go back and say “I would like a do-over. I heard myself use the word should and I’m working to drop that. What I wanted to say is…”.
Your team members will receive a much more uplifting message. Instead of leaving a conversation criticized, feeling less than, not enough, or as if they’re not capable, they will feel grateful for your help, guidance, and compassion. Letting go of should doesn’t mean you can’t use direct communication. It’s simply dropping the criticism and judgment you never intended in the first place.
Enjoy your heightened awareness around this! And also how much better you feel after communicating with your team and your own self-talk!
The best is yet to come! Always.
