Hi Welcome to episode 82! Our topic for today is not one I chose. It chose me.
Have you ever felt that way about something? Maybe the company you work for or the business you’ve built. Some of you, I know, feel that it chose you.
And I find this admirable. Because it tells me you were OPEN to receive!
An undeniable trait of high-achieving leaders is their willingness to receive.
Well, I’m here today to share a personal story and the perspective shift it created for me. This is not typical because I’m a pretty private person. Or I’m working to be less that way when I know it can serve others and when I’m feeling drawn to share.
This is a personal story and I may get emotional. And that’s ok.
The reason I’m sharing this with you is because the shift in perspective this experience has given me is profound. And wouldn’t have happened without this experience. But as I started out, we have to be open to receive, embrace, be curious, and let difficult situations shape us.
This is what happened.
Recently my baby, my 1-year-old, had a strong allergic reaction to food, specifically eggs. Now, I know this can be a really difficult topic. For many, their relationship with food is a very personal thing.
How you eat, what you eat and don’t eat, how others feel about what you eat, etc… I’m vegetarian and some days vegan, other days pescatarian, but I’ve been vegetarian for all of my adult life.
So I have a bit of experience with particular food preferences and how they are received. I’m just here to say that I know food is a big topic for a lot of people and I don’t take that lightly.
Not to mention what we feed our babies and how we feed them and all that you can unpack with that. It’s not lost on me.
This is simply my personal experience and how it created a big shift for me.
I suggested to my husband that we try eggs. He was getting babies breakfast ready while I was outside with our other kiddo. So, I didn’t know if he did or didn’t give him eggs or what he fed him.
When Dad walked out with baby I immediately asked “What did you just feed him?” He said eggs. I said you need to watch him closely because it looks like he’s having a reaction.
Now, I can be what I’ll self-describe as a super passionate type of mom. Especially when it comes to their health. And I own it. Both my babies started out in the NICU so their health is something I get passionate about in an intense way. Sometimes. Ok most of the time.
It comes with the territory of their NICU experience for me. (A topic for maybe another episode).
I finished outside with our other kiddo and when we went in baby was fussy and cranky. He’s almost never fussy and cranky. It’s just not his temperament. Dad said “I think we have an allergy to eggs.”
His face was red and splotchy. But he also still gets eczema flairs. I knew as soon as I saw him that this didn’t look like eczema.
He just wanted to be held. He started itching and rubbing his face. I held him and he was looking a little sleepy. Which is also not his temperament, but it was getting close to nap time.
I made a bottle and took him to his nursery to rock and cuddle. As soon as I sat down everything came up and up and up and up. Ugh.
I have a thing with throw-up. I just can’t handle it. And every time he’s gotten sick he’s done it all over Mom. Of course.
He then started breaking out in hives as we were talking about who was going to take him to the E.R. or urgent care. Do you debate this with your spouse or partner? I’m always for the ER. My husband not so much. Because the wait can be hours before you’re seen. I get it.
So, this was a bit of a discussion although very quick because we are of course deeply concerned and working to stay calm and level-headed (ok me, my husband is always calm and level-headed, always!).
After talking it through we both agreed he would take him to urgent care and I would stay with our other kiddo. We immediately sat down on the floor and started praying. He had to be ok. I think this prayer time set the tone for the day with my other son.
He was pretty calm and agreeable. Something he doesn’t usually do for Mom. Especially because he strongly prefers Dad. Always. But he knew we were worried and wanted to get baby to the doctor.
They get to urgent care and he got sick again. They gave him an Epi injection and a steroid injection. He met his length of observation time at urgent care and they said to take him to the E.R. for further treatment and observation.
So Dad takes him to the E.R. where they gave him Benadryl. He throws that up. And they wait in an exam room for observation.
This is all taking the majority of the day. Like 8 hours. And my husband is not getting great reception or service on his phone but he’s updating me when he can.
I know. Right. I’m so nervous and worried. I had a brief period of time when my mind went dark. It went to the worst-case scenario. I was really scared.
Then a picture and a text came from my husband. “I think his face is starting to clear up. The medicines seem to be working.”
Praise the lord. Oh my! I can’t tell you the relief I felt. But wasn’t going to be completely ok until my baby was back home and I could hold him. Right?!
It’s so hard because I don’t want to leave his side but my husband is always more calm and level-headed when it comes to the kids and the doctors. Sigh.
After baby drank a bottle and kept some food down they sent them home with prescriptions and to see his doctor for full allergy testing. He was going to be ok.
I, on the other hand, needed more time.
I tell you what. To be that scared and helpless. And then to feel such gratitude and relief once I could squeeze him again.
This experience shaped me. I look at everything differently.
I hope I never lose this perspective. This shaped me. It changed me as a mom. It changed me as a spouse for sure, and it’s changed me as I go about my work.
It’s given me more patience and grace. I feel an even bigger purpose than I did before. I’m still sorting through this.
But I was open to it. Or it could have never shaped me. When we change as people we change as leaders. We can’t live our personalities and roles compartmentalized. At least not for very long. It’s too much work. It would be exhausting.
When we change as people we change as leaders.
When you think about the life experiences that have shaped you, how has it changed you as a leader?
I’m going to pose that question to you one more time because so many leaders I work with haven’t connected the dots on this.
When you think about the life experiences that have shaped you, how has it changed you as a leader?
It’s so important to not only acknowledge that you were open to receiving this. But to identify what shifted for you. What’s different now?
And it’s ok if you’re the only one that knows the impact and the shift. If you keep it to yourself. These lessons and experiences can be incredibly personal. We can feel vulnerable. It’s important to be decisive about when and if you share.
I hope that by me sharing my personal experience you can see how the impacts on us as people will undoubtedly shape us as leaders as well, if we let it. If we’re open to it. And if we take pause to connect the dots.
I’m more patient. I’ve been giving more grace. All around me. But especially to myself. And that’s worth sharing. Because being open to receive the lesson is how we allow this to happen for ourselves. Even the mantra I share at the end of every podcast (say it with me) “The best is yet to come, always!” feels different when I say it now.
The best is yet to come, friend. Always.
