Welcome to Episode 98. Being Present As A Mom And A High Achieving Direct Sales Leader.
I am Tammy Meyer and I’m so grateful you’re here.
First things first, let’s talk about mom status. Maybe you have grown kids. You may have young kiddos like me. My boys at the time of this recording, are 6 years old and 17 months.
You may have tweens, teens, or young adults that really really still need you just in different ways than they did when they were younger.
Maybe you’ve made the choice to not have kiddos.
And it’s not lost on me for one second, not for one breath, that you may not be a mom and you may desperately want to be a mom. I have been there. Or maybe you are a mom but so badly want to grow your family.
Will you stay here with me please and keep listening?
And if you’re overcome with emotion right now I get that. I have also been there. Oh, have I been there. I just want to say you’re in a safe space here. And I hope you’ll stay with me and keep listening. I’ll explain why in a few seconds.
Whatever your situation may be, I guarantee you have team members who are moms with kids ranging in all ages. And you even have team members that aren’t moms, have decided not to be moms, or desperately want to be moms. And this episode today will help you as their leader. I hope it will help you personally, as well.
In episode 97 I talked about multi-tasking and life and work and kids and anxiety.
Today I want to take that conversation a bit further.
Many leaders work to help their emerging leaders do their business in the pockets of the day.
This can mean different things to different people. What one leader defines as a pocket of opportunity during her day and what another defines as a pocket of opportunity can look very different.
What I’ve found with all the savvy, successful, high-achieving women that I’ve worked with are two common threads.
One, anxiety is a thing. It’s totally a thing. It’s there. It’s common. It’s experienced by so so many. You may even navigate it yourself. I guarantee you have women and moms on your team who are navigating anxiety.
The second theme I’ve noticed is this. Working in the pockets of the day, especially for those with kids is creating scenarios of ineffective multitasking and it’s not helping those navigating anxiety.
Is this everyone? Certainly not.
Is it many? Yes.
As a savvy leader, you can be armed with great information and strategies to help your leaders this does apply to.
The first strategy is to embrace this for yourself. If you are working to be more present with your kids first take a fresh new look at how you define a pocket of opportunity in your day.
For many, working in the pockets of their day can be draining. When they are with their kiddos physically or if they need to be available to their kids by phone in any way, text, facetime, on-call…while also working their business in these moments, it can be draining.
Holiday breaks and summer breaks, when kiddos’ schedules are different, are very common times many moms and leaders feel this.
It can leave some feeling exhausted. Like they never accomplish enough. Like they’re never finished.
It can feel like they’re always working and always trying to fit their business in but never being able to work as much as they truly would like to.
On the flip side, some can feel that they do get time with their kiddos, but they feel like they aren’t as present as they would like to be because they are working when they are with their kids. That’s why they chose this business. So they could stay home with their kids. But then they get stuck in this back-and-forth of where their focus and attention are.
Regardless of the specific scenarios, almost every leader and mom I’m connected with has expressed wanting to be more present with her kiddos.
All of this can feel draining.
Can you personally relate to this?
The problem is that so many of us become high-functioning at navigating all of this. And this leads to burnout. It’s not sustainable. It’s why emerging leaders ebb and flow with their consistency and income-producing activities.
Do you see that direct relationship?
What’s the way forward?
I’ll share what’s worked for a lot of others as well as for me personally.
And I’m going to talk about fitting in dedicated time to your business as well as dedicated time to your kiddos. And it may sound like business is more important. It’s not. And it’s not about the quantity of time with each either. It’s simply how to implement the strategies I’m going to give you today. I’ll circle back to this.
Strategy number one is to embrace this for yourself. Take a fresh look at how you define a pocket of opportunity in your day to get some work done.
Are you piling on too much? Is it realistic? Do you have the attention, focus, mental space, and energy to give to your work in these pockets?
The time may be there. But is the attention, the focus, the mental space and energy there?
Let’s say you take 20 minutes while the littles are watching a show, or doing homework. But you still get interrupted. Again and again. Before you know it you’re snappy with your kiddos and you didn’t complete what you wanted to or thought you could in that pocket of time.
Let’s consider another scenario. Let’s say the kids are in sports after school. You’re going to use this time for your business. But the practice times, meets, games, and matches, are never scheduled far enough in advance or they’re always changing. Or the coach called a last-minute meeting.
You find you feel frustrated that you’re not getting the work done you wanted to or thought you would. Sometimes we need to take a big step back and take a fresh look at things. We can put up with a lot sometimes before we realize a new approach is needed.
How are you defining a pocket of time to get your work in?
Strategy number two: look at your schedule and take inventory of the pockets of opportunity where you can dedicate attention, focus, mental space, and energy to one or the other. To your business or to your kiddos.
Just take a look. Grab a highlighter or use the color key in Google Calendar. Just take a look. See what happens when you divide this out.
This strategy is crucial to know what you’re truly working with.
Circling back to this sounding like business is more important. It’s not. It’s simply easier to work with these strategies by starting with how many hours you have dedicated to only your business, not your business + kiddos, but just your business. I hope that makes sense.
Because whether a mom + business leader has older or younger kids mom is typically quite involved with the kiddos. There’s a lot of time dedicated to them and to support them even if they are away at school and activities. It’s simply easier to start with business hours.
I remember one season of life and business I did this with my calendar and I literally had only 6 hours a week to work solely on my business. That’s not a lot of time! But with this information, I could then formulate a plan.
What was I going to do with those 6 hours? What did I need to do to get more time? What had to happen?
What could I get done before they woke up? What could I do after they were asleep? Were these even times of the day I wanted to be working?
The alternative, what typically happens, not just for me, but for most is that we reluctantly stay up late or get up early just to have kids wake early interrupting that time. This can be so frustrating.
What was I going to do during ‘normal working hours’ to find more work time dedicated solely to work?
And, how much time during ‘normal working hours’ was there going to be overlap? And then remembering that hey, my kids are coming first during this time of overlap, I may not have the attention and focus I would like to have while I’m getting some work done while they also need me. Let’s be real. I may not get any work done. Right?!
So take a look at your calendar. Do you have any time without the kiddos to focus only on your business? If so, how much time? Are you using it this way? Or are you piling on too much? Are you asking too much of yourself and them?
If you do have time to focus only on your business how much can you accomplish in this time? I recommend making a list of business activities to dedicate your attention and focus to during this time.
When you do this, be flexible. Don’t make a list and think you’ll get all of it and then some accomplished. Plan to get 60 to 80% of your list accomplished.
And plan for 60 to 80% of this time to actually happen. Right!? I mean you have to give yourself some cushion. It never happens exactly as we plan for.
Next, look at the time you have in your schedule when you are solely with your kiddos. You’re not also trying to work during this time.
This is a great time for me to point out that you’re not comparing how much time you have to work on your business against how much time you have with your kiddos. Ok? It’s not about quantity. It’s about being present. Present with your kiddos and present for your business.
And in order to have this, you first have to separate it out. There has to be time dedicated to one or the other.
As soon as you can have some dedicated time for each it is an incredibly powerful feeling. It’s freeing. It feels honestly like anything is possible. It feels like you finally have peace.
It’s also important to point out that there will still be time you may have to divide your attention and focus. You may have to do some business while you’re with the kiddos. That’s great.
But if you feel called to be more present with your kiddos then you have to pause to take a real hard look at how this is going for you right now.
The bottom line is do you have healthy boundaries around your time. Or do you have the opportunity to reign this in a little?
Maybe you’re in a season where things are wildly overlapping.
Or maybe you’re feeling good right now about the dedicated time you have to both. Awesome!
Again, these strategies will be tools in your leadership toolbox to help you mentor your emerging leaders.
And these strategies are something that will benefit you to take a good look at on a regular basis. At least quarterly.
Because kiddos’ commitments and schedules change. Needs shift. Your business has a rhythm to it throughout the year when it peaks and things are busier, and more demanding of your attention, focus, and even your time.
Ok, this is a big topic. We certainly didn’t cover it all here. But we have a good start! You have some specific strategies to use and to share with your emerging leaders.
To be more present with your kiddos you have to find some time you can spend only on your business. Because when there is time dedicated solely to your business, it frees you up to be more present with your kiddos.
The best is yet to come, friend. Always.
